areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
