I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
