I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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