I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
