we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Randomize
