This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
