He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
