this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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