New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
