Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
operation harelip BJ is a go
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My bed smells like the plague
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
