Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
