Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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