So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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