i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
