kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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