Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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