oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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