Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
How does it feel to date your dad?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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