I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Holy sore nipples Batman
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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