I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm really into asian looking animals
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
