we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
