Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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