Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
