I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
