if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You ate ashes out of my bong
My bed smells like the plague
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
