Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
