He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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