im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
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