You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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