You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
