bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
What a dumb baby whore.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
