I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
