Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
