We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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