i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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