I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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