So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
