Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
