yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
