I feel like abortions should bother me more
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
