i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
