I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
