i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
