I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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