I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
we made out on top of his cat.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
