i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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