so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
