She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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