some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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