I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
