I just pynch a tree in the face
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
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