im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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