got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
